Long gone are the funny “corona” memes, stimulus checks, and Tiger King. It’s hard not to feel depressed or anxious these days just as a result of everyday stressors and constant negative news all around us. Feels like we’re in some sick simulation lately. School just started this past week here in Northwest Arkansas, and more and more patients are requesting telehealth appointments again with their children being exposed to increasing cases in the classroom, yet there is a need for children to socialize and be in more conducive learning environments. Not to mention parents needing to focus on their own jobs or even get 5 minutes to themselves to take a shower these days. Then there’s the masks and vaccine polarization. It’s a prolonged, chronic stress-inducing event that I feel like the DSM needs to create a legit diagnosis for. We get a glimmer of hope that things are improving and then bam, cases are up, there’s no ICU beds, and vaccinated people are getting infected. Patients fear for the safety of their ill aging parents, or worry they are unknowingly spreading it to others. Some employers are fighting back on flexibility to work from home now that most employees recognize they can do most, if not all, of their work at home with no commute and more time in their days- maybe even less pressure to chit chat for my fellow introverted people. Requests for therapy appointments are upticking again after a few months where the demand felt like it had evened out. Here we are 4 months shy of a new 2022 year with a lot of folks not having much hope. I can’t say I foresee anything really changing soon, so my energy is going into how to adapt and stop thinking things are going to be “back to normal” again, maybe not even in my lifetime. That “radical acceptance” of the current world is hard to swallow.
The pandemic has really shifted how I practice, not only logistically in 100% teletherapy during one period of time, but in how I conceptualize patient concerns and in what treatment options are reasonable in the world we are currently living in. For example, patients are feeling guilty for even experiencing some joy when taking a 10-minute walk around the block without their kids or when spending an entire Saturday binge-watching Netflix. Now more than ever am I seeing patients minimize issues by saying their issues aren’t as bad as others. Expressing gratitude for what we do have can be helpful, but not to the point it invalidates what you’re going through yourself. Practicing self-care is becoming stressful for many of us when we already have very minimal energy to expend. Many of our hobbies have been squashed due to general safety and precautions, or due to businesses closing that housed our hobbies because they can’t afford to keep the doors open. It’s a vicious cycle. Finances are also rough for many and lots of people have had to move back in with toxic family members because basic life necessities are not affordable for the average American. It’s hard to step away from social media when that’s all that is really keeping us connected to others. Yet, the research says social media is detrimental in so many ways for our mental health. Routines, something I always help patients build, are just not all that realistic. Further, patients are so exhausted that simply trying to form words or articulating their feelings just sometimes does not happen. The sense of hopelessness patients are experiencing, rather what many of us are experiencing collectively, is valid, but hard to shift such feelings with the seemingly legitimate “it’s one thing after another” mentality. Treatment planning is a challenge when we never know what a few days from now could look like with COVID cases and guidelines everchanging. The list goes on (and on). Sometimes, all a patient can do is be in survival mode and build off of their strengths.
My patients know me to use a fair amount of self-disclosure. What’s been really hard is to support someone through something right now I am also having intense emotions with and feeling those same feelings of helplessness and despair. In my 10 years of advanced education, I was not prepared to work as a psychologist during a pandemic. Not to mention how to start a private practice during a global pandemic. I can support patients through many different awful experiences that I’ve been trained to empathize with and the ability to see situations from different perspectives. But being a psychologist in a pandemic is very novel. My own life pushed me to take the risk of going into private practice for more flexibility and autonomy over my career. The one thing I have found helpful during the pandemic is figuring out what I can have control over and to really figure out what my own values and priorities are in life. So yes, I believe we are all growing in immense ways whether we notice it or not.
I don’t have all the answers and that’s hard to sit with when patients are in need of answers, in need of quick relief, when most of the time there is no answer or helpful path other than tolerating the discomfort and recognizing it’s part of what it means to be human.
So, really, it’s okay to feel like crap right now and like you’re just going through the motions, because that’s probably the truth and all that is sustainable right now. It does not mean something is wrong with you, nor does coming to some therapy sessions to process it all and find some ways to move forward that are realistic. In another post I will talk all about my views on mental health needing to be looked at in a preventative way. The effects of COVID are still being researched and learned, not just for those who contracted it, but the mental effects of this pandemic will stick around and some of us may not recognize we need therapy until later down the line “when things slow down.” I am all about coming to therapy now rather than later. You do not have to be “crazy” or at your life’s worst to come to therapy.
Yours truly,
Dr. Steele-Wren